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  • Writer's pictureSpellbinding Sherry

Gather Together

Hail the soul travelers! Hail the ones beyond flesh! Hail the memories! With these words, I honor and intend to elevate my dead. With these words, I commemorate them with my hearty respect. With these words I celebrate them, fully. Some people, especially those who have fragile or unexplored faith and those who feel they’ve been abandoned by whatever belief they once held as true, may find the dynamics of the rites, such as memorial services, funerals or whatever other sorts of gatherings of this nature they have in their minds, to be a hardship.

They often feel overwhelmed, incapable and unable to indulge these opportunities,

especially if there is any sort of time to pause and think too long about it. In my experience, this is normal. Nonetheless, if the dead are loved by those still wearing flesh I do encourage those who can manage to weave together some observation to do so, if possible, with others who may yearn, themselves,

to share the experience together. If a person’s physical absence is too much to bear, gather with others. If a person’s trauma was too much to discuss, gather with others. If a person needs to remember that there is support and encouragement still remaining, somewhere, gather with others. It is in this very observation of vulnerable humility that these things are found, most often. It is important that someone speaks to help address the wounds of insurmountable hardship in these ways, to allow the pain to be both validated and freed. It is important that someone holds space to observe and draw out the suffering and challenges experienced. It is important that someone offer the opportunity to the ones still remaining to nudge some stories, possibly share their own and to listen to those of others. The hard part of these sorts of gatherings, for many, is the pity which is too often brought along by those well-meaning folks who intend to be supportive. Pity, in my view, offers no support. It offers only a heavier weight to bear for those already folding into sadness. Many skip hosting funerals altogether rather than receive the daunting pity of these people. Simply, it’s too much. I understand. Nonetheless, I do encourage these rites, whenever possible, if only to witness those who have carried the weight and somehow, managed to still show up for the dead, for themselves and for others. So have the event. Have a person speak of the particular aspects of the one beyond flesh which are memorable. The speaker need not be a family member or friend, It may be though. Some folks prefer saying nothing. Others like to share. There is always someone qualified and willing to lead a service, whether voluntarily or for hire. Receive them. If they are chosen to serve as an officiant (simply, a ceremonial guide), it is wise to ask the specific content of their intention, to be sure their values and ethics align with those of the host (and perhaps, the dead).. Regardless, it is in these moments of sharing that the treasures of laughter and the mentions of merit, bubble up. It is in these moments the hope offered via poems, prayers, spiritual content and songs that the sadness is both, given allowance to flow freely, as well as, perhaps, providing a balm to impart some comfort. Please, do celebrate your dead. For the respect of the fleshless, yes, of course, but also, for the ability to share with community, what is often too heavy to carry alone. When this is done well it can happen that all are gifted a lighter burden, if any at all. For some, the release is full. In fact, there may even be mending of hearts and a seed of healing for those who choose to simply show up. For those who need an officiant to guide and hold space, through healthy mourning, please reach out. This is my niche. I'm good at this and can assist you with processing. Reach out via for services, rates and availability. Hail the soul travelers! ~Sherry For more enriching words, please visit the blogs you will find at

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